It seems that no matter what success I may achieve, there is something in me that always feels threatened by your successes. So, before I know it, I “feel the need to put you down,” as Mark Nebo plainly puts it.
What is it in me that resents your achievements and seeks to discredit and so diminish their significance?
It is the little me in me. The self-absorbed me, fearful of not making it and so consumed with competitiveness.
I know better than this. I know I only ever do to another what I’ve done to myself already. When I put you down, it’s really because I’m trying to recover from self-inflicted wounds.
Today, I will stop this nonsense. I will, instead, accept and love myself. I will know that many of the fantasies I confuse with dreams are just another way the little me reminds me that my choices in life have proven stupid.
I have tired of living this way. So, today, I will remind myself often enough until I get it, that I will arrive at my intended destiny, but never at yours. I will be aware when the little me in me seeks to make you “littler.” When I catch me doing that to you, I will stop the madness, knowing I could never pull myself up by putting you down.
What I see outside my window is the image I will carry all this day. The tall oak tree is thick with leaves. So thick, in fact, what lies behind the oak is hidden from sight. Yet, I witness no struggle in the tree, no competitiveness…no clamoring for the light. Each leaf hangs peacefully from its branch. And, the miracle, each is beautiful…each “makes it to the light,” as Nebo puts it.
So will I.
So will you.