Out-of-the-blue and instantaneously, something happened to me or, more accurately, in me that literally transformed the way I felt about life, including that of my own and the way I viewed the world and everyone in it.  It changed my view of and experience of the Transcendent, too.

The event was simple and ordinary. I don’t recall having a vision of anything. In fact, I saw nothing at all. Yet, in an instant, I saw everything, too.  I did not see God, but there is a sense in which I did, too. Deep joy was so unmistakably real and near to me.  Instantly I felt in the presence of God and that feeling has been with me ever since.

Today, no matter how out-of-control things may be around me, there is in me a sense of calm, peace, and a feeling that everything is just as it should be.  Peace, contentment, and tranquility are my normal states of consciousness. Joy, too. I know this all sounds like a huge enigma and, in many ways, it is. I cannot explain it otherwise.

Easterners often speak of something they call “the law of least effort.”  What they mean by this is, “Do less and accomplish more.”  Now, such a notion is strange to westerners who are taught from the cradle that they must do more and more and still more and then, and only then, should they expect to be duly rewarded for it.

What I’ve learned, however, is that this is not the behavior of grace at all.  When Grace is understood and experienced, and it isn’t understood and hasn’t been experienced by many religious people, grace is really about doing nothing and enjoying everything. I like to tell the story of the poor beggar who was rummaging through a garbage heap looking for his next meal when, suddenly, he finds a discarded lottery ticket. To his chagrin, he discovers it bears the winning numbers to a multi-million dollar jackpot.  Grace. It occurs when you least expect it, and often to those you believe to be the least deserving.

Since that day of awakening, my life has not been some fairytale but I would be dishonest to say anything else but that it has been pretty close.  I once heard a highly regarded spiritual teacher from the east say, “In my world nothing ever goes wrong.”  Everything in me revolted against such an absurd statement prior to my spiritual experience.  Today, however, I cannot say that about my own life, but I understand it much more now.

The best I can say is that, for me, life is no longer the struggle or the burden it used to be. Instead of swimming upstream, one of many metaphors that would aptly describe my life prior to the awakening, I now flow with life.  How could I not be at peace when, instead of resisting what is, I now accept, often forgive, but always flow with life itself?

I’ve called this my “spiritual awakening” because, in many ways, it was as if I woke up and started living.  In eastern religions, it could be called a “satori.”  Satori is a Sanskrit word meaning “sudden insight,” “awareness,” and “consciousness.”  It is often the word used to describe a transformative experience.  What happened to me on that couch may not be filled with a lot of drama, fireworks, lights and sounds, but, whatever it was it changed my life forever.  And, for the better.

What is the Ego, Anyway?

Ego is your make-believe self—your “social self,” as Martha Beck calls it. It is the cover you wear that you often confuse for your real self. Your real self is the inner person behind your social mask. This is a simple and understandable truth. Yet, it took me half a lifetime to figure it out. The following phrase made popular by an educational psychologist may help:
“I see you seeing me; I see the me I think you see.”

The “me” you think others see…well…that’s your social mask, the mental image of yourself, the self you portray to the world. Much like someone might carry in a wallet, this is the snapshot of yourself you carry around in your head.
This snapshot of you, this ego, attaches itself to many things. One is your physical body, which partly explains the preoccupation with the body and the anxiety virtually everyone feels about how they look. But, the physical “you,” just like the social “you” is really not who you are either. You are not your body. You are infinitely more than this. You are the person behind both your face and your form or your mask and your material frame. Of all the things that I’ve learned through life, this may rank as one of the most important. It will be so for you, too.
Your ego can also be an idea you fashion in your mind about yourself—a function or role you perform. It is the fictitious mind-made, “little me,” as Eckhart Tolle has caricatured it. Ego is any identity you pick up that gives some definition as to who you are or, more accurately, who you think you are. But, there is no role that is you, any more than the character an actor assumes on a stage is the actor him-or herself. It is a role, a function, but that’s all it is.
So, ego is your face, form, and function—but, the real you is none of these. You are not the social face you wear, the form or body in which you temporarily live, or the function or role you perform in the world. These are all part of the ego-self.

Ego: Your Illusory Self

Ego is illusory in nature, shaped by your upbringing, decisions, and Karmic experiences. Karma is a Sanskrit word that, in Eastern traditions, refers to the Law of Cause and Effect. In the Christian tradition, it’s known as the Law of Sowing and Reaping or Planting and Harvesting.
In the Western world, this spiritual law gets expressed in a variety of idiomatic ways. Sometimes, for example, you will hear people say, “You reap what you sow!” or, “What goes around comes around!” This is another way of describing Karma.
It is Karma, says Lama Surya Das, that “reveals all things as interdependent; every action has a reaction, and nothing exists in absolute isolation.” In reference to the ego, therefore, your Karmic experiences have given shape to your self-image. That is to say, all of your life experiences have contributed in scripting the narrative of your life, your life story. But, it is important to remember, just as the ego is not you, the story the ego tells about you is not you either. Both may reveal you, but they are not you.
When you look at yourself in a mirror, for instance, the image you see is not you. It is a mirror image of you. And, even then, you’re looking only at your physical form, the body. It would be a mistake to confuse the form starring back at you as the real you. Yet, this is the most fundamental error everyone makes. We think we are the image we see. But, the “you” you see is not the “you,” you are. At best, it is what Albert Einstein called “an optical illusion of consciousness.”
The real “you” is much deeper and far more significant than your body or any name, role, function, or story you tell about yourself. The deeper “you” comes from God. The scriptures of the Old and New Testament know this sacred self as the “soul,” or “spirit.” It is called in the Book of Genesis, the breath of life or God’s own essence within you.
“God formed Man out of dirt from the ground and blew into his nostrils the breath of life. The Man came alive—a living soul.”

This breath of God, which was behind and beyond Adam’s name, form, roles or functions, is the real Adam. And, of course, it is the same Divine breath, or life essence, that is the soul within you and me. This is who you really are. As the Christian philosopher, Pierre Teilhard de Chardin put it, “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings having a human experience.”
From the moment of your birth, you are a magnificent, living soul—a distinct creation of God. At the time of your birth, you have no ego, although you are born with the capacity to develop one. Normally, ego begins to take shape at about age two, which is why this period in a child’s development is often known as the “Terrible Two’s.” As the ego develops, this self—or, “little me,” starts seeing its-self as separate from that which surrounds it. As it does, every parent learns the ego can be a little monster as it claims its own sovereignty.
Until ego develops, however, a newborn embodies God most fully, which is why, when you look into the eyes of an infant, you have this feeling you may be observing the Sacred Presence itself. That’s because, you are. This state of oneness with God is the natural state of every child. Protestants call this state one of “innocence.” It is in fact just that period of life prior to the emergence of the self, the ego.
The ego is also that which steals away this state of innocence. Ego has one aim—to Edge God Out. When God is edged out, so are joy and perfection, innocence and selflessness, and unity and oneness with God. What’s left is an increasingly dysfunctional, disconnected, and problematic ego-self—a self that feels disconnected from that Source out of which it emerged.

In my new book, to be released in 2010, “The Enoch Factor: Sacred Art of Knowing God,” I provide the way out of the bondage to ego.  When you experience this liberation, you are free indeed.